Making your bond stronger

Begin touching again in small ways, like brushing against one another as you walk past. Move on to being more deliberate: holding hands, stroking, resting your hands on one another. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH

What you need to know:

  • Open up about your feelings, and let them be there for you.
  • Or maybe the problem’s boredom. You’re doing the same things you’ve always done. Nobody wants to feel like you’re only together out of habit.
  • So surprise your partner with things they love. A favourite magazine, or a new movie . Hang out together, really close. And plan some fun times.

Every relationship is different, and so are the reasons people give when a couple breaks up. But underneath, there are usually some strikingly similar underlying issues. So pay attention to those and your relationship will last!

Like many spouses feel deeply unappreciated. So don’t assume your partner somehow knows you love them. You have to tell them. Or a relationship can slide into nothingness. So say “thank you!” And “I love you!” Often. Tell each other you’re wonderful. Listen with your eyes. Make cups of tea together. Say ‘good morning’ and “good night.” Be affectionate. Kiss slowly. Notice the little things. Compliment each other in public. It all makes a difference.

Often the emotional connection fades away. So talk regularly. Ask about each other’s day, and know what’s happening in each other’s world. And really listen! Just because something seems unimportant to you, doesn’t mean it isn’t important to your partner. Acknowledge what they’re feeling. Open up about your feelings, and let them be there for you.

Or maybe the problem’s boredom. You’re doing the same things you’ve always done. Nobody wants to feel like you’re only together out of habit. So surprise your partner with things they love. A favourite magazine, or a new movie e. Hang out together, really close. And plan some fun times.

Maybe you’ve lost your sense of self. Because you both need a healthy independence, with your own friends, interests and passions. Hopefully one of those passions will be each other, but having something of your own’s also important. Because you’re both more than the relationship you’re in, even though that should be the most important thing in your life. You fell in love because of your differences, not because you were identical. So encourage each other to pursue what you enjoy.

Or maybe negativity has chipped away at your relationship. Eye rolling, sarcasm, endless silent sulking, insults, judgements, mockery and emotional indifference all wreck intimacy. So don’t judge and never criticise. That doesn’t mean you can’t speak your mind. Just do it positively.

Or perhaps physical intimacy has faded away. But physical affection’s what holds a relationship together. Not just sex, but also every caring skin-to-skin touch. Physical intimacy communicates love and trust, so the fading away of physical affection’s often the first step towards a break up. It’s such a critical part of every romantic relationship, that when it’s missing you’ll be tempted look for it somewhere else.

So if physical intimacy’s missing, you need to bring it back. Start complementing and appreciating one another again to rebuild your emotional connection. Begin touching again in small ways, like brushing against one another as you walk past. Move on to being more deliberate: holding hands, stroking, resting your hands on one another. It might feel awkward at first if there’s been no physical contact for a while, but just keep going anyway.

And soon your relationship will be strong again.